I am a Survivor of Sexual Assault

 

"Love is a combination of care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect, and trust."  -bell hooks

I am a Survivor of Sexual Assault

Sexual violence and sexual assault have impacted my life in many ways. Often, there is an assumption that because of my gender expression that I could not be impacted or otherwise be a survivor of sexual assault. Yet, I am. Years later, I [still] struggle with affection and intimacy because of instances in my past.

When colleagues criticize me for not being approachable enough or for not giving enough positive praise to staff, I wonder how much of that is connected to my own trauma around intimacy and how my race and gender are perceived. Often, I am the only Black man in spaces where decisions are being made in my work. 

Sexual assault and sexual violence negatively influences interpersonal relationships and extends to entire communities. In particular, automatically connecting and associating Black men to sexual violence is a very old anti-Black trope that dates back even further than “Birth of a Nation.” In the Fall of 2021, I was anonymously—yet publicly—accused of making problematic statements towards sexual assault survivors. I did not make any such statements. Additionally, only Black+Queer administrators were targeted in these demonstrations; despite a long history of student advocacy for this cause—white appearing staff were not named nor targeted in these advocacy efforts. 

I have reason[s] to believe that two students violated state and federal law by secretly recording a private meeting with me about their experiences with sexual assault. Me repeating what someone else purportedly said in reaction to their experience is likely what was taken out of context. These same students later worked in concert with a student publication in a deliberate attempt to malign my professional reputation and ruin my credibility. I was disappointed that these students would stoop to tabloid journalism tactics in a feeble and mid attempt at student advocacy. Would these students have done this to a white woman?

Feeling “othered” in my work is counterintuitive to the types of inclusive spaces we are trying to normalize in higher education. Although university officials admitted to not thoroughly investigating my concern in a timely manner, they ultimately found this form of abusive advocacy was not a contributing factor to a hostile work environment. However, the harm of these false statements already impacted my work and my ability to be a credible resource for my constituents.

Here is what I know for sure: Over the years, I have partnered with several non-profit agencies and university departments to train, educate, and advocate for justice for all those affected by sexual violence. In my work with students, faculty, and staff I have learned that validation, agency, and both short-term and long-term support resources are crucial and necessary to allow folks to heal. Additionally, taking a trauma-informed approached acknowledges the history and emotional baggage people carry with them. Within communities of care, accountability and justice are top priorities and must be part of the equation. 

I have an enormous amount of respect and empathy for sexual assault survivors as they navigate and endure all of the strife associated with these heinous acts of violence and loss of power. In my current role, I was more than pleased to help push forth an amnesty-type clause for survivors of sexual assault when involved with instances of underage drinking or other violations. I will continue to use my voice and positionality to improve our systems and processes to better support survivors of sexual assault.